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How do I move on???

by Barb Blimkie

I am a mother of two boys, Mitchell, 16 (who would have turned 17 on the 6th of June) and Kristopher, 8. On March 29th my oldest was not feeling well he had flu symptoms for a bit but cancelled his doctor's appointment I made him about 10 days before I took him to our local emergency department.

March 29th is one of the days in my life I will never forget. The other day is May 17th, the day I lost my son -- 7 weeks from the day he was admitted to hospital. Mitch was diagnosed with ALL T-Cell(Acute Lympoblastic Luekemia)(high risk)Those words are forever etched in my mind.

He started agressive treatment immediately. Chemo, spinal taps, spinal chemo --you name it, he had it. He had such a good attitude the doctors were amazed at him. He was so positive and strong, never complained and everyone fell in love with him at the hospital. He never once gave up or said he could not do it anymore.

About 2 weeks and 2 days before he passed away he developed a bad cough and it turned into pneumonia and he was sent to ICU and that is where Mitchell spent his final 2 weeks. He never did make it home. We found out he was in remission on Tuesday, May 14th and he passed away on Friday, May 17th of complications.

I just cannot picture my life without him. I am having so many feelings going through my head right now I just dont know what to do with myself. I cannot seem to go anywhere out of the house I have not even been able to go to the graveyard since the day we buried him.

I have so many emotions going on. I feel lost, sick to my stomach a great deal of overwhelming emotions and I need to know that this is okay and I will be okay because I dont feel like I will be. I am not even sure if i am doing this right I just want to talk to someone who knows how i feel and who can help me through this. This is a portion of my story because i could go on forever about my first born, my friend, my son Mitchell who I will never see, touch, kiss, talk to or hold ever again.

I'm a mother of 2 boys - one of whom died at 16. I need encouragement.